Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Schrödinger’s Moment

There is a point in each monthly cycle that I like to call Schrödinger’s Moment.

It’s the point where you have already done everything you can that month. You have both taken your fertility drugs on schedule; you’ve had sex exactly when you were supposed to. From this point on, you have a week or two before you know if you’re pregnant.

You hope, you pray, you pray louder. But it’s too late in the cycle for any additional activity to be relevant.

This month I felt that, until I knew the results one way or the other, God still had time to make up his mind. From a biological point of view, the decision had probably already been made, I just hadn’t been informed yet, but who am I to say that God might not change his mind and make it happen retroactively? Until my period comes or I take a test, we don’t know one way or the other.

You can’t be a little bit pregnant. You either are or you are not; it’s a binary condition. But until you open the box, is Schrödinger’s Cat alive or dead? Until I take the test, am I pregnant or not?

This month feels especially Schrödinger-esq, as I’m having symptoms that could be signs of pregnancy. I’m routinely nauseous, I’ve had some cramping, I’m definitely bloated. I think I’ve been peeing more often, but that’s hard to quantify objectively, since I drink so much water that my normal state includes many bathroom runs. So maybe I’m pregnant. Or maybe I’m coming down with the flu. I do have a cough.

Of course, the cough could be from working outside in the cold air last week. That’s when it started. It probably wouldn’t take me well over a week to come down with the flu. Other than the cough, and the nausea, I feel great.

But until it’s time to take the test, Schrödinger and I will just have to wait for our answer.

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