Why is it that the later in the evening I stay up, the more depressed and despondent I feel? I keep telling myself to get to bed by midnight, and I keep letting it not happen. And yet, the longer I sit on the couch, the more miserable I am. It's not just that I'm the only one awake; it starts before Elric hits the sack. Then there's always on more thing I want to finish. But once he's gone to bed, I'll throw on a TV show from TiVo. I'll have finished whatever I wanted to work on, but now the show's not over. (Don't try to give me the logic that the show is on TiVo and I can finish watching it whenever I want -- this is accurate logic, but it apparently has no place in my midnight mind.)
We have a revised plan in place right now to try to become pregnant. I took concrete steps today toward furthering the plan. (More on that in another post.) I heard about some things today that are encouraging, and certainly supportive. Many people are praying for us, and for me, everywhere from locally, a state or two away, and even as far away as Nicaragua.
So why am I still feeling despondent tonight? With so many people praying for me ... with friendships being renewed stronger than before ... with friends sharing their own, similar experiences ... why do I still feel so alone?