A Little History & Welcome

I'm Friday. I'm 34 and my husband and I have been married for 13 years as of this past weekend. I'm quite focused on (some may say obsessed with) getting pregnant. I very much want to be a mother, and while I know having children won't be easy, I never dreamed that just conceiving them could be this difficult. This blog is my way of sharing the journey I'm on.

A little history about our background in attempting to conceive...

We started trying to conceive almost three years ago. I got pregnant almost right away, in December of 2006. At 8 weeks, in February of 2007, I miscarried, and we've been trying again ever since. We consulted a midwife, but have pretty much just been trying on our own, attempting to time it correctly by the calendar.

A few months ago, I finally admitted that we weren't having any luck. The clock is ticking too quickly (and very loudly), so over the last month we've been doing a number of tests to find out what's going on. We have a follow-up appointment with my doctor this Thursday night (tomorrow!) to find out all our test results, and come up with some kind of plan.

I'm finding it harder and harder to stay on an even keel emotionally, and I have very conflicted feelings about what I want the test results to say. Part of me doesn't want anything to be wrong ... who wants to find out something's wrong with you? But at the same time, if nothing's wrong, why am I not pregnant? So maybe I do want the results to show something wrong, so that we can then address it. At the same time, I really don't want to have to go through fertility treatments. I've always been so sure that I wouldn't need that ... I may be getting my comeuppence!

I'm having a difficult time dealing with the repeated disappointment each month. I very recently started seeing a therapist to try to deal with this issue. I'm hoping the therapy helps, but this blog is also part of my self-prescribed treatment. If I'm lucky, this will give me a place to open up and vent my hopes, fears, frustrations, disappointments, and (very hopefully) successes in this odyssey to become a mother.

Thanks for reading. I'm going to be as open as possible about what I'm going through. Although I often feel completely alone in this pursuit, I know I can't be the only woman going through this. Comments are open and will remain so, unless I'm haunted by trolls. I intend to retain my anonymity here, so if you know me in real life, please respect that.

Welcome to my journey.